I left home when I was 18, hoping for adventures but also having the fear of growing up—growing up to be independent, growing up to make decisions. To be away from home for five years, I thought everything would be fine, and it would be an amazing journey of my life, but in reality, being on my own beat me down.
Loneliness and discrimination filled my life, all I had left was silence. I have trouble sleeping every night; when I look into the darkness it is as if the darkness is my only company. I find reasons not to pick up phone calls from home, because I do not want my parents to find out that things are not going well. For a year, I had nothing to be happy about, and I have forgotten the last time I truly smiled.
As the day goes by, negativity never ends. I tried really hard to change my circumstances, I made plans for the rest of my academic years and made the decision to study abroad and graduate in advance. I am still afraid that this nightmare will repeat, but I still chose to go for it. It is another lonely journey, but there is more to be grateful for.
“As time goes by and when you look back, everything will be fine,”—I wrote this a year ago in my diary. After a year, I am thankful for the changes I made. Those shadows that almost buried me were left behind when I decide to take a step forward. It’s ok not to be ok, but never to stay in the same spot. I am still walking on the path of finding myself, with every step I value who I am. There might be bigger challenges in the future, but all the sadness and the bruises will trace the beauty of my journey.