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The Book

The Book, a short experimental film by Ashli Sartorelli, created as a 5×5 for an introductory level film class.

It represents the process of picking a book in an artistic way, using natural sound and a variety of shots.

How To Lose a “Lover” In 10 Days

How To: Lose a ‘Lover’ in 10 days

Halloween Edition

Life gets complicated easily, one might say. It might be friend group drama or family affairs, but it never gets easy with romance.

We’re all searching for that special someone, but love isn’t always a two-way street. Nobody enjoys breakups or particularly hurting others. Hence, the solution is simple…

Get them to break up with you.

On Halloween though, we scare them away.

LochMess Monster

Here’s an idea. Show up soaking wet to a date and pretend nothing ever happened, in fact you have no idea what they’re talking about. But don’t stop at that… Go to sleep covered in fake blood, go to church covered in dirt, show up at the Gym covered in slime and most importantly DENY EVERYTHING and DON’T LAUGH. They’re bound to break it off, unless they just send you straight to a mental facility.

Cancel them like Pluto

Bore them to death with astrology talk. And then spend their money on going to a psychic.

For some extra spice, pay your fortune teller to tell them you’re incompatible, and staying in this relationship will end in their slow and painful death.

What Rhymes With Witch?

Witches are all cool and fun, until they cast a curse on you. So, here’s some advice, go curse the hell out of them. Treat it like a therapy session, let your inner devil out to play on Halloween. Be crazy, throw things around, get mad, get excessively weird.

Don’t stop until you hear the magic words, “I want to break up”.

Deep Dark Secret

Take a page out of any Agatha Christie novel and come up with your own dark, scary secret. Tailor it carefully to their fears. Maybe your last boyfriend died of suspicious circumstances, maybe you have chronic explosive diarrhea or maybe you’re ready to introduce them to your kids.

Midnight Madness

One way to get someone sick of you, is not letting them get any sleep and I don’t mean the sexy kind. I mean, yelling at the top of your voice every time they start to doze off. When faced with the inevitable confrontation, for a little extra creepiness, tell them you were dreaming of going Hannibal Lecter on them and that in fact, they tasted delicious.

My Anaconda Do

Adopt a pet they hate. A tarantula, a snake (tell them it’s poisonous), or a sphinx cat if that’s what it takes. If they have allergies, even better; use it to your advantage.

I’d rather have a pet than a boyfriend anyway.

Boils and Bubbles

YouTube is a click away. Find the most disgusting Halloween makeup tutorial and get yucky with it. Just imagine the end result, oozing with unfamiliar, stinky fluids. And oh no! I think it’s growing!!!

Be sure to tell them it’s contagious.

Anti-Yeti

Can’t grow hair out in a day like a yeti, that’s ok. Just shave it all off, eyebrows included. Let that spooky moonlight reflect of your smooth, bald head.

And if they still love you, maybe they’re worth another chance.

Ghost Them

This one is a keeper; too bad they aren’t. You could just block them on all your social media and avoid any places you have in common.

OR….

Disappear, and make all your friends tell them you died 10 years ago.

Fake Your Own Death

Although, I can’t really guide you through this one, keep in mind it works for tax evasion too.

Sherlock Holmes did it, so it can’t be that hard. Just make sure it’s a closed casket funeral.

So here are 10 ways you might scare a lover away. If they don’t work, call me, I’ll help you bury their body.

Nonetheless, try to be kind. I’m sure their greatest Halloween fear is losing you.

I would like to end this piece with a last remark. I will not be held accountable for any disasters that may come from reading this article. Please be careful with the advice I have given and keep in mind that the consequences of your actions might end up haunting you.

Happy Halloween.

Ok Boomer, Time to Accept Slang

In the ‘80s and ‘90s it was common to hear teenagers and young adults use words like gnarly, tubular, and rad. Now we use words like finna, highkey, and Karen. Every generation develops their own slang but with the help of the internet young generations have now created almost an entire language, impossible to learn except through immersion. An adult listening in on a conversation between teens and young adults might sometimes miss phrases or words. Are these kids really speaking proper English? Yes they are!

Language, specifically spoken word, is an ever changing thing. Words have specific meanings because of the way we use them colloquially. If we all collectively use them in a different context and it is understood, then it can be adopted as correct. Nowadays when a new word or phrase is introduced it can spread incredibly fast, often globally, because of social media and the internet. It evolves so quickly and distinctly within age groups that I am not familiar with new slang used by high school aged kids, just a few years younger than myself. We have assigned new meaning to common words like chill, same, flex, cap, salty, extra, drip, and tea and have come up with completely new words like swole, finna, highkey, lowkey, simp, yeet, TL;DR, etc.

Slang arguably lets us communicate faster and more efficiently with our peers. We have an intricate network of words and sayings that have meaning applied to them based on their original context; which can be anything from memes, Vines, Tik-Toks, movie references, or even tweets. Everyone knows iconic Vines such as, “This bitch empty. Yeet!” and “It’s a watermelon, inside a watermelon!” These are paired with the visuals and audio so we have automatic associations and connections when hearing them spoken. We have even managed to come up with a way to portray sass through written text, something linguists have struggled with for years, by typing in randomized upper-case and lower-case. PreTTy ImPrESsiVE rIGHt?

To many people, slang is also a tie to their culture and history. Like languages, slang changes based on location and who is using it. AAVE (African-American Vernacular English) is a dialect with its own grammar, vocabulary and accent features spoken mainly by working class African Americans. Terms such as woke, ratchet, slay, and on fleek are all examples of words that originated in AAVE. To Black Americans the use of this slang is part of their cultural identity, however, many see it as an uneducated form of speaking, which is a stigma that needs to be broken.

Using words like lit or yeet does not mean that younger generations are uneducated or lacking in language skills, we have simply created our own ways of communicating, and I think that’s amazing. When someone is bilingual they often think and speak a little bit differently in each language. This is much like switching in and out of slang when around friends or in a formal environment.

There is a time and place for everything and that includes slang, but we all need to accept it for what it is, an impressive linguistic feat, and if you don’t like it just wait a few years, it’ll change.

How to Embarrass Yourself and Own It

How to Completely Embarrass Yourself and Own It
Confidence in the face of humiliation

There is a bar somewhere in Geneva. It’s a bar that frequently hosts open mic nights and similar events. It’s also a bar where I will never show my face again. I tried performing there once, and it was a complete flop. Stage fright got the best of me, and so the crowd got the worst from me. That experience is sitting comfortably in the top 10 worst experiences I’ve ever had. But since then, I have botched dozens of performances. Unsurprisingly, I don’t really have the same view of those experiences anymore, and when I do, I own it. I may never show my face at that first bar again, but now I smile in the face of humiliation.

To constantly throw yourself into situations where you are not in control can do a tremendous amount of good for your self confidence and anxiety. It also helps develop robust coping mechanisms that aid in desensitizing you. These are a few key ideas to keep in your head when practicing embarrassment.

Find your space
The first step to this is to find a space where you feel safe enough to screw up. Some spaces are much more judgemental than others. For example, if you fumble over your words during an important class presentation, the repercussions will be worse than if you mess up your solo at a jam night, in the midst of a bunch of drunks. Learning to embarrass yourself in a safe, forgiving space is good so that you can deal with it and pick yourself up more fluidly in places where the stakes are higher. The idea isn’t to push yourself too far out of your comfort zone, but more like learning to functionally live within your ability and develop it no matter what. So, find a place where you can try new things. I use jam nights, but inviting friends over, just to cook up a dish you’ve never tried before is already a great step.

Once you have that, it`s time to fuck up.

Learn to accept imperfection.
In places where results are expected, the last thing you want to do is publicly talk yourself down. Just take the L home. If I were to stand on stage and say “oops sorry that really sucked” not only will that be even more embarrassing, but people who had not been paying attention will look at you with the bias you presented to them.
I sometimes jam at a blues bar with a bunch of 60-something year old men. Some of them are assholes. Whenever I’d be asked to solo when I was just starting out, I was terrified of these guys’ judgement. Not only did it make my playing worse, but when I did hit a wrong note, I would make a face. I’d cringe at myself to let the audience know that “yes I am aware that sounded off, don’t worry, I’ll work on it. I am a self aware and functional adult.” The kicker is that most of the audience are not musicians, therefore, their untrained ears won’t notice when I do screw up. My friend once expressed to me that he only noticed there were off-notes in my playing once I made it clear.
So now I smile all the way through instead.

Avoid getting defensive
Although it is completely natural to get defensive when we are faced with criticism, if somebody calls you out, avoid making a scene and trying to justify your actions. You can wholeheartedly disagree with somebody’s comments. You can argue with them too. However, if you are performing in a space where you are not completely competent, there is no reason to argue because you likely don’t know better. By all means yell at them in your head when you shower that night. But don’t risk making an ass of yourself by defending your actions in public. That is not a constructive way to embarrass yourself and own it.

Once you’ve managed to do all that, all you need to learn how to do is how to be resilient. You need to know that you won’t always have a flawless performance. You need to expect to hate yourself for a little while after that. But most importantly, you need to be ready to do it again.

These days, I jump at almost any opportunity to perform on stage or in front of people in general. I’d like to think that I can hold my own pretty well too when it does happen. One thing I know for certain is that once the world stops ending, and bars start hosting events again, I’ll be the first to sign up for the open mic.

But I’m still never showing my face at that first bar ever again.

Tinderview

Dark and handsome, his profile read: 188cm, 420 friendly and loves to cuddle. I was instantly hooked, so I swiped right. Now he’s sitting in a mid-lit Mexican restaurant, sipping on passion fruit margaritas. His hypnotic eyes are staring at me with anxious curiosity across the table, past my open laptop screen. Aman Malik is about to begin his interview and enlighten us with his personal tinder experience, his advice and his insight into online dating.

Q: In what way do you use Tinder?

A: Generally, my goal in using Tinder is to make new connections, it doesn’t specifically have to be romantic. In fact, Tinder is a great way to meet new friends. Tinder dates are usually a fun way to spend time with people, there really shouldn’t be any pressures or expectations from both parties. It’s also surprising to hear for Tinder newbies, that using Tinder doesn’t mean dating non-stop. Most people rely on Tinder occasionally and casually, going on dates maybe once a month or once a weekend. In the end, Tinder is just a social tool not a way of life.

Q: Have you had any negative experiences with Tinder?

A: Nothing too tragic. I got stood up once on a date after she asked me to buy us wine. Sometimes I get ghosted. Of course, a common issue with tinder is that it can decrease a person’s self-confidence if, for example, you would get ghosted or a particular person didn’t swipe back. However, I find that keeping an emotional distance with the app helps me keep sane. It’s important not to take everything too seriously.

On another topic, I would advise Tinder newbies to be careful with some unverified, unidentifiable profiles. It’s better to be safe and cautious as you never know who’s on the other side of the screen.

Q: In what way do you think Tinder changed/shaped society?

A: I think, primarily, Tinder really changed the dating norm, or more so, the courting rituals. Tinder has made it extremely easy to ask someone out, which to most, is the preferable way over anxiously anticipating the rejection of your current crush. That’s what it really does, it eliminates crushes and effectively ignores romance.

On top of that, I think Tinder’s swipe function might have had some effect on society. You swipe on what you see and maybe a short profile description. But Tinder users are mostly focusing on the photos, which in my opinion could influence individuals to become shallow and more likely to judge people on their appearance.

Q: How do you think Tinder will change in the future?

A: I think Tinder will make it even easier to find love. Maybe it will categorize people looking for serious and casual relationships. Maybe it’ll start providing vouchers for restaurants, cafes or events to serve as date inspirations. Maybe it’ll bring romance back.

I can also imagine it becoming more socially accepted. I have met people that lie about meeting their partners on Tinder, as if it’s tacky or shameful. Instead I think Tinder profiles could become something funny to mention in a wedding speech or to show your future children.

Q: Did you enjoy this interview?

A: Yes (wink, wink).

To those still being precautious about online dating, think of it as a way to have more control over your love life. At least I urge you to try, if Aman taught us anything it’s that people you meet on tinder can be pretty cool. However, if you still feel iffy about it, I’ll give you a tip, tell them you need an interview for your Journalism class. (wink, wink)